Thursday, August 25, 2011

War Rages On

War Rages On

I’m listing each grievance to see where I am.
I’ll spit it all out and not give a damn.
I’m mad at myself for being such a fool
For trusting that brother to follow my rule.

Abundance means giving with heartfelt ease,
forgiving yourself for the fearful freeze
that locks up your love - it never knows why,
but holds on to a dream ‘til the day that you die.

Dear Father, your help would be welcome today.
I’m attacking my brother just so I can stay
separate, adamant, striving to be
that pillar of strength that may set me free.

Yet everything crumbles - disaster reigns.
My body is ravaged with weakness and pains.
I can’t change brothers, I know that somehow
They’re a mirror of me and I’m guilty now.

I could keep on writing ‘til dawn arrives.
Please Jesus come and clear my eyes.
The splinter I see is reflecting me.
I think I am guilty in the first degree.

Remove all this poison, this acid, this crap.
Please wake me up with one really good slap.
“Stop delving in misery, in lack and loss,
or unfairly treated by your kin or your boss.”

I’m choosing my thoughts and making them real,
And suffering from thoughts. - Ye gads what a deal!
I’m turning it over to God instead.
Holy Spirit take over - I’m going to bed!

Janni Spiller
Revised, 8/26/2011

Sunday, July 24, 2011

A breath of Light


She’s dying and I don’t know what to say.
What do I fear?
What am I feeling?
Am I good enough?
What does she need to hear?
How can I release us both from this idea of death?

The sterile British hospital ward is filled with row after row of sad dying old women.
Dearest Mummy, so pale and frail, is ninety-three and already going into Cheyne-Stokes labored breathing . . . she’s is going soon.
I sit silently next to her . . . waiting for inspiration.
It comes.
She whispers, “Janni, will you take me home with you?”
I smile, “Mummy, you are already home in heaven with me now where you never left.”
Her eyes are so warm and loving as she takes one last look at me, then closes her eyes and lets her last breath evaporate into the room, filling it with a brilliant white light.

July, 2011

Monday, May 9, 2011

L - 301 "And God Himself shall wipe away all tears."

Lesson 301

"And God Himself shall wipe away all tears."

When I judge a brother/myself, I notice that time stops and congeals this image, the holy Son of God, into a body.

I immediately feel the pain of separation.

A pang of guilt seeps into my awareness.

My body takes a defensive position as I wait for the counter-attack.

It comes.

I'm amazed at my confusion.

What happened?

I've lost my Self.


I don't know how to defend myself.

I want to run away.

Help! I'm feeling abandoned.

On second thought, it's all his fault.

I'm right. He's wrong.

I'm a teacher of God, so why am I feeling so miserable?

I start to cry.

I can't win.

I give up.

Help Holy Spirit.

I go within to silently listen for God's Voice.

"Teach only love for that is what you are."

I change my mind and say to my projection, "I'm sorry. Please forgive me. I love you. Thank you for everything."

The answer comes, "There is nothing to forgive."

I smile as a finally understand.

"And God Himself shall wipe away all tears."